Sire of Seven Deaths

Seven mana, a 7/7, and every keyword worth stapling to it: this is Eldrazi design distilled to a single joke and then played completely straight. The seven abilities are not a grab-bag; each one closes a specific hole a vanilla fatty leaves open. First strike and reach make it a wall no ground or air attacker profitably crosses; vigilance means it never has to choose between defending and pressuring; menace and trample together make it hard to blunt, forcing multiple blockers and spilling excess damage through. Lifelink turns every point of that damage into a swing on the race, and the ward cost is set high enough to price out most cheap removal outright. The result is a creature that answers its own weaknesses before an opponent can articulate them, which is the whole conceit: colorless, castable off any manabase, and functionally impossible to profitably block, race, or point a single spell at. Where most keyword-soup designs pick two or three abilities that create a specific role, this one collects the full set that the Eldrazi have always gestured toward, a top-of-curve monster whose text box is the flavor and the function at once. The seven-of-everything framing reads as a gag until it resolves and does exactly what it promised.