Rust Monster

Anyone who ever ran a Dungeons & Dragons dungeon knows exactly what this thing does: it eats your gear. The joke lands because the pump ability is literally fueled by feeding it your own artifacts, a page of monster-manual flavor rendered into mechanics. First strike on a 2/1 already makes it awkward to block, and each artifact fed to it swings the combat math another two points wider before damage resolves, so a defender who sized it up on the declare-blockers step can be blown out after committing. The fuel comes at a price, though: you are converting mana rocks, equipment, or Treasure into a temporary burst, spending permanent board presence for a single lethal turn. This is a finisher, not an engine, a beast that turns a stalled artifact-heavy board into one big swing and then has nothing left in the tank. It wants a shell that produces disposable artifacts as a byproduct, not one trying to keep them around. The flavor and the mechanic converge on the same idea: the creature that devours artifacts in the fiction devours them on the battlefield too.