Everett K. Ross, Hapless Attaché

An anthem that buffs the narrowest board possible: not your legendary creatures, not your companions, but the commander creatures you control specifically, which typically means the one or two your deck is built around, though nothing stops you from stealing an opponent's. That is the entire design brief. This is not a go-wide lord; it is a narrow enhancer, handing +1/+1 and lifelink to the cards your deck is already built around. The lifelink rider is the load-bearing half. A commander deck lives and dies by keeping its commander swinging, and attaching lifegain to those attacks turns each connection into a life buffer that steadies the races a fragile leader tends to lose to a faster table. The second ability inverts the usual advisor's job of rewarding your own aggression: it pays you for being on the receiving end, drawing a card whenever an opponent commits two or more creatures into you. That is political insurance rendered in mechanics, converting a multiplayer table's instinct to gang up on the softest-looking seat into raw card advantage, so the more you are threatened the more you draw. The flavor lands the same joke the mechanics tell: a hapless functionary who somehow comes out ahead of every crisis he stumbles into, a 1/3 that profits precisely from looking like the easy target.