Clackbridge Troll

A folktale rendered as a negotiation, and the negotiation is the whole design. An 8/8 with trample and haste is a body that ends games unattended, so the card hands your opponent an out: three chump blockers on the way in, then a standing offer to feed the troll every combat. The tension is that both halves of the deal favor you. The Goats are your opponent's creatures, but they are terrible ones, and the troll only taps if a creature dies to pay it, meaning your opponent chooses between eating eight trampling damage or trading resources to buy a turn while you gain life and draw a card. Either line advances your board or your hand; the sacrifice clause is optional for them and profitable for you no matter which way they answer it. The trick is that the toll is theirs to pay, so a bare board or an opponent unwilling to sacrifice simply eats the attack, and the Goats they were given rot as speed bumps at best. It reads like a drawback stapled to a beater, but every branch of the fairy-tale bargain leaves you ahead: the giveaway is the flavor, and the flavor is the trap.