Wowzer, the Aspirational

The gag is a scavenger hunt masquerading as a win condition. The attack trigger checks for a bewildering pile of unrelated resources held at once: an energy counter, one each of Blood, Clue, Food, Map, Powerstone, and Treasure, plus the monarch, the city's blessing, and the initiative. None of those mechanics wins the game on its own; they are disparate token and status systems drawn from a decade of parallel design threads, and the joke is in demanding all ten simultaneously as though the game had been secretly assembling a checklist the whole time. The creature can attack whenever it likes; the win only fires if the audit passes at that moment, which turns the card into an exercise in ledger-keeping rather than combat. The mana cost carries the same maximalist punchline: one pip of every color alongside a colorless and a snow requirement, a rainbow that almost no honest manabase produces without deliberately reaching for it. What lifts it past a novelty is how completely it functions as a monument to the game's own sprawl, a single line of text that only resolves for a player fluent in every reward mechanic ever printed. It is built to be read more than resolved, a punchline about how many "and also, you win" clauses had piled up before someone thought to demand every last one in the same turn.