Wedding Ring

The gag is baked into the copy clause: cast this and you force an opponent to run the same artifact you do, and now every card they draw and every point of life they gain on their own turn mirrors back to you. It weaponizes symmetry by giving away the symmetrical piece. Most punisher cards ask the opponent to choose a lesser evil; this one simply attaches you to their engine and lets their good turns become yours. The flavor is doing real design work here, not just riding along: a wedding ring bonds two players, so the effect that keys off "an opponent who controls an artifact named Wedding Ring" is only live because you deliberately handed one over. The restriction that keeps it from being oppressive is the "during their turn" clause on both triggered abilities, which fences the mirroring to the opponent's own draw step and life gains rather than turning every card in the multiplayer table into a payoff. It is a political card first: the copy goes to a single target, so you pick which opponent you are married to, and the tension is that they need some way to remove the ring to sever the link. A parasitic name-check that only functions when you play matchmaker, it belongs to the small family of cards that grow stronger by arming the enemy.