Vile Deacon

The Cleric tribe's designated attacker, with a buff that scales off the whole battlefield rather than just your half of it. That symmetry is the wrinkle: the +X/+X counts every Cleric in play, yours and the opponent's, so a Cleric mirror turns each swing into a question of who has committed more bodies, not just who controls this one. Even at its floor, with no other Clerics anywhere, it counts itself and attacks as a 3/3, so the trigger never reads blank; the spread between that floor and the ceiling is entirely a function of how dedicated the surrounding deck is to the tribe. A lone copy alongside a couple of priests is a modest threat. A board flooded with Clerics turns every attack into a serious clock, the bonus growing with each kindred body you have managed to keep alive. The cost is structural rather than printed on the card: you only get the payoff you build toward, and the bonus evaporates if you ever have to hold it back, since the trigger fires only on the turn you actually send it in. It rewards the kind of tribal density that the all-creature era was selling, and it asks nothing of you beyond commitment to that one creature type.