Terrapact Intimidator

A "you cut, I choose" offer where every cut has been rigged in favor of the caster, resolved by handing the opponent a choice between two things neither of which they want to give. Both outcomes feed the person who cast it: either you get two Lander tokens (colorless artifacts that fetch a basic tapped, the slow-ramp currency this style of card leans on), or the body swells to a 4/3. There is no third door where the opponent walks away clean. The live question is which cost they judge cheaper given who is under pressure. An opponent trying to hold the ground would rather not stare down a 4/3 arriving early, so they let the ramp through and accept that you get the mana. An opponent already ahead on tempo, or flooding out and unbothered by handing you two more lands, refuses the tokens and lets the growth happen instead. Both readings are correct; that is the squeeze. The growth arrives as two separate +1/+1 counters rather than a fixed stat rewrite, so it persists through copy effects and counter interaction, and the body it builds stays built rather than fading after a turn. The design's honesty is that the ramp goes to you, not to them: that is what turns the choice from a bribe into a bind, since neither answer relieves the opponent of the consequence.