Sylvan Primordial

Acidic Slime asks a small price for one piece of artifact, enchantment, or land removal stapled to a body; this scales that idea up to a multiplayer blowout and pays you for the privilege. Against each opponent it strips a noncreature permanent (a key land, a problematic enchantment, an artifact engine, a planeswalker), and every destruction is matched by a Forest card fetched straight to the battlefield tapped, which includes nonbasic lands carrying the Forest subtype, so shocklands and triomes are live targets. The ramp is not a consolation prize tacked onto the removal: it is what justifies waiting until seven mana for a sorcery-speed creature, since against a full pod you can untap having destroyed three permanents and dragged three lands into play, then defend the gains with a 6/8 that reaches into the air. The catch lives in the word "mandatory." The trigger does not fizzle for lack of a juicy target: if an opponent controls any noncreature permanent at all, including a basic land, you are compelled to destroy it, which means a developed table is where the card shines but a lean one can force you into stripping a tapland and inflating an opponent's grievance for little payoff. Green has always been the color most able to break artifacts, enchantments, and lands; this is that mandate compressed onto a single body, multiplied across the table, and partly subsidized by the lands it drags back with it.