Suture Priest

Two symmetrical triggers pointing in opposite directions, both pleasingly optional, both keyed to the most unavoidable event in the game: a creature entering the battlefield. The first half rewards going wide; the second half punishes anyone trying to do the same against you. That second clause is the one that turns a 1/1 from a quiet life-padding engine into a genuine clock and a hatebear. Against token strategies, against reanimator chains, against any deck that floods the board with bodies, each creature an opponent makes drops them a point of life, and a Phyrexian Cleric does not care whether those creatures came from a hardcast spell, a reanimation effect, or a copy: it triggers on the enter, not the cast, so it taxes the parts of the stack other hate pieces miss. Note that the penalty is life loss rather than damage, so it slips past prevention and ducks under combat-damage replacement effects entirely. The design lives in that asymmetry of consequence. Lifegain is the soft, marginal upside that justifies running it in a creature-heavy deck; the drain is the reason it earns a slot as a stax-adjacent answer. A 1/1 body for two pays for both halves precisely because neither half does enough alone to warrant a card on its own. Stack two or three copies and the drain math compounds into something a go-wide opponent genuinely cannot race through.