Nocturnal Feeder

Removal spells usually punish a creature; this one punishes the person casting them. A 2/1 flier normally begs to be traded off or picked apart, but here dying is the whole transaction: two life off each opponent, two life back to you, no matter whether the vampire falls in combat, gets burned down, or gets fed to a sacrifice outlet. That inversion is the design. An attacker with only one toughness ordinarily wants to keep it alive; this one wants to die, so running it into a blocker or leaving it under a wrath becomes a reward rather than a loss. The drain scales with the table, since each opponent pays the two, making the trigger worth progressively more the wider the game gets. The evasion matters less as a clock than as a guarantee: a flier eventually meets an interceptor, and when it does, the death clause cashes in on terms you chose. The effect is modest and self-contained, building toward nothing on its own; it slots into aristocrats and lifegain shells as a body that treats its own removal as upside rather than a threat that demands an answer.