Malicious Malfunction

A symmetrical sweeper with a rider that quietly changes the math. Black has always had access to the -X/-X board wipe, the effect that clears small and midsized creatures without touching planeswalkers or lands, and -2/-2 to everything is the standard rate for a three-mana version of it. The exile clause is where this one earns its extra half-line of text. Ordinarily a board wipe hands the graveyard a full turn's worth of fuel: recursion targets, delirium counters, escape and disturb payloads, aristocrat sacrifice bait. Here every creature that dies this turn (from the sweep or from combat or from any other death that lands before end of turn) goes to exile instead, shutting off the entire second-life economy that death-matters decks are built to exploit. That turns a routine reset into a targeted answer against graveyard strategies, and it does so without asking you to name graveyards anywhere in the text; the punishment is baked into the same card that clears the board. The tradeoff is the symmetry: it hits your own small creatures and denies your own recursion just as thoroughly, so it wants a deck that either outsizes the -2/-2 line or does not care about what it loses. It is a sweeper that reads as generic and plays as pointed.