Luxior, Ignited

The gag is a Planeswalker you can hold. The original Luxior read as Equipment that converted loyalty counters into raw stats; this version keeps the Equipment subtype and the counter-scaling static buff but reroutes the counters through the Planeswalker chassis itself, so the loyalty you spend or gain is the same resource pumping whatever it's bolted to. That collapses two normally separate accounting systems into one object: every point of loyalty is both fuel for the activated abilities and a floating +1/+1 on the equipped creature. The +1 reattaches at will, letting you slide the whole engine from creature to creature turn to turn without recasting anything, while the −2 spends the exact stats it just built to hand out double strike, cashing stored loyalty into a lethal swing. What makes the design sit oddly across a card frame is that it wants to be protected like a Planeswalker (loyalty is a real life total that combat and burn can chew through) and worn like a sword at the same time, and it needs a creature underneath it to matter: without something to attach to, the static buff and the double-strike finisher have nowhere to land. It is a joke card that resolves cleanly anyway: a self-growing aura of counters that moves itself, protects itself, and eventually cashes itself out, provided you keep a body on the board to carry it.