Lazotep Behemoth

Five mana, a 5/4 body, and not a word of rules text past the type line: this is the plain black beater against which the ones with abilities are priced. Not every creature at this cost earns a keyword or a rider, and this is the design that proves the point, a top-of-curve body whose entire function is to be a top-of-curve body. It dies to the same removal as the beaters that do carry an ability, trades in combat like any other slab of stats, and asks nothing of the deck around it. The one flicker of texture lives in the creature type: a Zombie Hippo, a bit of setting flavor that flags the warped, lazotep-plated undead of its home plane far more than it does anything on the battlefield. Vanilla fatties like this exist so the rest of the sheet has a floor: honest, unglamorous furniture, printed precisely to fill the space where rules text would otherwise sit, so that the cards with tricks have a baseline to be measured against.