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Unblockable creatures want to win on the back of an evasive threat; this Equipment hands you that evasion and then bolts a live wire to it. The two clauses are at war by design. The first makes the equipped creature impossible to chump or trade with in combat, exactly what a voltron beater wants. The second turns any speck of damage into a death sentence, exactly what your opponent wants the moment they untap. The result is a top-down joke given rules text: a thing that scalds whatever it touches, including the hand that wields it. Any ping spell, any incidental burn, any deathtouch nibble, any combat damage at all triggers the destroy clause and removes the holder outright. The catch is that "destroy" is precisely the verb indestructibility and regeneration are built to stop, so an indestructible creature simply ignores the trigger and a regeneration shield soaks it: the Equipment is most lethal on exactly the creatures least equipped to survive it. So it functions less as a card you build around than one you point at the wrong target: equip it to a stolen creature, or to a token you do not mind losing once it has connected. The unblockable line promises a clean swing; the damage line is the bill that comes due the instant anyone pokes back. Equipment that punishes the creature it is bolted to is a rare and deliberately self-defeating shape, and this is the purest, silliest version of it.

