Hellraiser Goblin

The clause that grants your team haste is the bait; the clause that forces them to attack every combat is the price, and the two are inseparable on purpose. Haste-granting bodies are a known archetype accelerant, but most stop at the upside. This one bundles the speed with a compulsion that strips away your right to hold creatures back, leaving you committed to the offensive whether the board state favors it or not. Both effects read "Creatures you control," so the drawback is entirely self-inflicted: every blocker you would have wanted at home is in the red zone instead, including the chump you were saving and the utility body you needed alive. The design tension lives in that trade. Goblin decks built to empty their hand and swing turn after turn barely register the cost, since holding back was never the plan, and the haste lets a fresh draw join the attack the moment it lands. The math only sours when the game stalls and you would rather durdle: this card does not let you. It is a deliberately one-directional piece of design, a permanent that converts a board into a sprint and refuses to convert it back, built for decks that never wanted the brakes in the first place.