Goblin War Wagon

A Juggernaut that never got the discount the type was built around: the original Juggernaut swung for 5 on a 5/3 and paid only the price of never blocking, while this one keeps the creature type but settles for a 3/3 body and adds an upkeep tax on top. The non-untap clause is the wrinkle that defines it. Every swing demands a follow-up payment of the next upkeep to stand the thing back up, which converts a creature into a recurring mana commitment: attack now, and you have effectively rented your offense at two mana a turn. That economics is the whole proposition. A four-mana 3/3 attacker is fair value the first time, but the card asks whether you want to keep funding it while your other threats need that same mana to develop. The design predates the modern preference for keyword-rich artifact bodies; it reads as a deliberately rough edge from an era when "doesn't untap" was a real drawback rather than a gentle nudge. As a piece of color-pie placement it is a colorless creature that wants a red shell to justify the aggression, a Goblin in name and a Juggernaut in mechanics, which is most of the joke. It is honest about what it is: a slightly clumsy beater whose tax keeps it from ever being clean, the kind of card that gets played when the body matters more than the bookkeeping.