Gluntch, the Bestower
A three-mana 0/5 flier whose entire end-step trigger is spent distributing wealth around the table: two +1/+1 counters onto a creature, a card, two Treasures, one grant apiece to a player of the controller's choosing. The whole design turns on the word "player" instead of "opponent." Because the controller counts among the eligible players, every grant can be aimed inward, so nothing here is pure altruism; the trigger is a three-way ledger the pilot balances each turn, doling out beef to one seat, cards to another, ramp to a third, and quietly keeping a slice when the board math favors it. That optionality reads differently from symmetric hug engines like Kynaios and Tiro of Meletis, which shovel identical resources at everyone at once. Splitting the payout into three discrete choices makes the end step a negotiation the Gluntch player brokers rather than merely subsidizes: reward an ally, starve a rival, or take a piece for yourself, and repeat the calculus next turn. The wall body is the enabler. A 0/5 with flying blunts early aggression without ever presenting a clock, so the table has scant reason to remove the machine feeding it. The counters clause is the one that kingmakes: two +1/+1 counters on the right creature is a genuine board swing, and the pilot decides whose board swings, often before anyone connects the tempo shift back to the jellyfish.
