Everything Pizza

Treat it as a two-mana fixer that leaves a sacrificeable artifact behind, and the pick band lands around P3 through P6 in any deck that wants either job. The enters trigger earns the pick most games: TMT's two-color legendary uncommons reward consistent pairs with a splash, and this fetches a basic, thins the deck, and parks an artifact on the table for the two mana most fixers ask. That second job is the real argument. BG Food and Mardu sacrifice builds want a cheap, expendable artifact to feed Shredder's Revenge value or to trigger the artifact-cares lines around the equipment subtheme.

The five-color activation is a genuine finisher, not a bluff, and the enters trigger is doing live work toward it: every Pizza you cast pulls you one basic closer to WUBRG. But TMT's fixing is good for a third color and a splash, not for all five on a single tap. The utility lands at common (Escape Tunnel, TCRI Building) carry a base into its third color; they do not assemble rainbow. So the payoff is real and reachable in the rare game where a wide-open table lets you durdle, but it is not the reason you draft this. Pricing the whole card against that activation overrates it. Price it against Anchovy & Banana Pizza and the other fixing artifacts and it competes cleanly: a basic into hand beats a Food token in any deck not actively chasing lifegain.

Where it falls off is RW or UR aggressive builds that need their two-drop slot applying pressure. A fixing artifact does nothing toward the clock those decks keep, so they cut it. Maindeck in BG and the artifact-matters builds, sideboard or skip elsewhere.

The enters trigger is the tell. A two-mana artifact that searches up a basic land and puts it in your hand is fixing plus a card in hand, not ramp, and the decks that want both that and a one-shot finisher are five-color goodstuff piles where the WUBRG activation cost is a Tuesday rather than a tax. Kenrith, the Returned King and Jodah, the Unifier are the obvious homes: all five colors are online by the midgame, both decks want the extra basic in hand to keep casting, and the sacrifice ability reads as a clean swing that breaks a parity stall. Najeela, the Blade-Blossom can field it, but only in a five-color build, not the mono-Warrior aggressive shell that never reliably reaches WUBRG.

This is a Bracket 2-3 card. The activation is too slow and too color-hungry for cEDH, where five-color piles spend mana on tutors and protection rather than a sacrifice that draws one card and pings for three. In casual five-color, the everything-at-once mode genuinely matters: three life and a card to you, a discard from each opponent, three damage to clear a blocker or close out a player, three counters to push a commander into lethal. Four jobs in one tap, and because it resolves as an activated ability, it slips under counterspells the way a charm or a command never could.

The catch is that it sits on the battlefield for a turn cycle or more while you assemble seven mana across five colors, and that is a long time to telegraph a finisher. Any artifact removal answers it before you ever tap, and a board that sees a Food it cannot immediately interpret will often crack it on sight. The window between deploying the pizza and firing it is the whole risk.

Expect a sub-$5 secondary price; this is the supplemental Food card that drops to bulk fast. The deck role is the flexible thirtieth card, not a combo piece. Invisible outside five-color shells, which is most of the room.

A two-mana artifact that fetches a basic on entry and then asks for to sacrifice for its omni-mode finish, which is a non-starter in a format with no five-color manabase that wants to do this. The enters trigger is a worse Wayfarer's Bauble in any deck not chasing all five colors, and nothing in Modern is chasing all five colors for a one-shot artifact activation. Legal, but yet to register in tracked tournament play, and there is no archetype here that asks for it.

A two-mana cantrip artifact for Standard decks that want a basic land on entry and have nothing better to do with the slot. The catch is the activation: five colors plus a tap to fire every mode at once, which no Standard manabase assembles without bending the whole deck toward it. The entry trigger fixes a single basic, which is not the same as fixing for WUBRG. Legal, but it has yet to register in tracked tournament play this season. The gag lands; the mana cost keeps it out of real decks.

Unplayable in Pioneer, or close enough that the filler tag is generous. The two-mana Food fetches a basic on entry, which is the only part any deck would actually want, and then sits as a sacrifice outlet that costs plus a tap to fire its grab-bag of effects once. No Pioneer deck assembles all five colors to spend seven mana on a one-shot artifact when the format's finishers cost far less and ask for far fewer pips. Legal, but it has not registered in tracked tournament play this season, and nothing in the format asks for it.

A two-mana artifact that cantrips into a basic land, then asks for plus the tap plus a sacrifice to fire a pile of effects at once. Seven mana across five colors for a one-shot finisher is a tax the Power Nine does not pay down: Lotus and the Moxen fix and accelerate, but assembling all five colors plus the generic cost on a single activation is a project no Vintage deck wants when Tinker into Blightsteel Colossus or a single Time Walk ends games faster. Cute, and gone the moment it fires. Legal, but yet to register in tracked tournament play. Noise.

The enters trigger is a worse When this artifact enters search: a basic land to hand at sorcery speed when the format already runs fetchlands that find a basic, untapped, on turn one. The activated ability is the pitch, and the pitch costs plus the tap plus the artifact itself. Legacy's incumbents at the effects this stitches together are Lightning Bolt for the three damage at one mana and Swords to Plowshares for the removal slot, and neither asks you to assemble all five colors first. A seven-mana activation across WUBRG is not a Force of Will tax problem, it is a does-not-fit-any-deck problem. Legal, but yet to register in tracked tournament play. Does not clear the bar.