Energizer

A Juggernaut that grows but forgets how to charge: the body is the joke and the design lesson rolled together. The artifact Juggernauts of this era were defined by the unblockable, must-attack aggression of the original Juggernaut, a 5/5 that hits for plenty and asks nothing of your mana. This one inverts the bargain. It is a small body with no evasion and no compulsion to attack, and every point of growth costs two generic mana and the creature's tap, which means the turns you spend pumping are the turns it sits home doing nothing. The friction is total: you cannot both grow it and swing with it on the same turn, so the card forces a sequencing choice between a board presence now and a bigger threat later that arrives too slowly to matter. The activated cost is open-ended, so in theory the ceiling is unbounded, but the rate is so far underwater that the ceiling is academic. Read as design history, it is a study in how to make a generically powerful creature type harmless: keep the tribe, keep the artifact frame, strip the keywords that made it scary, and price the upside out of reach. The result is honest about its own ambitions, which is to say it has none.