All-Star Kicker

Assist and the "team" language pull this card out of the standard solo-play frame: it belongs to the free-form multiplayer joke formats where the table agrees to split into sides, and it wears that premise openly. The kicker cost is deliberately shareable, so a teammate can chip in the that turns the enters-the-battlefield trigger into a squad-wide anthem with haste, while the "pass the ball" clause fires either way. That passing is the genuinely strange part, because it hands objects around the table in a way the rules almost never permit: handing a permanent or a card in hand across the table to another player on your side, as a routine enters-the-battlefield trigger rather than a bespoke one-off effect. What makes the design cohere is that its ceiling scales with how many collaborators the table has agreed on. In a one-versus-one game you are considered a team of one, so paying the yourself still buffs your own creatures and hands haste to your board; the pass simply has no other teammate to route through. The card functions without a partner, then, but it barely stretches its legs: the anthem covers only your side, and the ball has nowhere social to go. Put it in a table that has actually formed teams, and every clause finds its second half. This is humor design that idles as a 2/2 with a personal pump and only revs when the whole table is in on the bit.